Thursday, January 3, 2008

Things people have put in their ass that they probably shouldn't have...

Welcome to 2008... I haven't posted in a while... Not for lack of stories to tell, but lack of time in general for me to sit down and type...

I understand that people need to do things to spice up their sex lives, but I'm still amazed at things people stick up their butts. Most of the time, these items are so large that patient's have to go to the operating room to have them removed. While plain old vibrators are the most common "foreign body" I've seen, it's always interesting when they're the battery operated kind and are still on... You can hear the hum when you walk in the room, and the vibration travels nicely through the soft tissues of the abdomen to the abdominal wall. I also love the x-rays that show a perfectly focused abdominal x-ray with the blurry phallus in the middle...


I also had a guy come in with a cordless phone inserted antenna down... Yes, an actual cordless phone with the thick plastic kind of antenna that's attached (not the telescoping metal kind)...


Then there was the "ship in a bottle!" That one was unique. It was a small ship-in-a-bottle, but a ship-in-a-bottle none the less! It was made of blown glass, and the ship inside was blown glass, too. You could actually make it out on the x-ray which was pretty funny.


One other that stands out as unique, was "3-potatoes-in-a-condom." They weren't Idaho bakers, or anything like that... they were more like New Potatoes (you know, the smaller kind)... But, they were potatoes. And, there were 3 of them. They were all inside a condom, tied at the end into a knot so none of them would fall out.


These cases are hard... they are very funny in a sick sort of ER humor kind of way. The key is to laugh after the patient has left the emergency room...

I've come up with some VERY simple rules that everyone should follow in case they get an urge to shove something up their ass in the heat of the moment...

1. DON'T use anything thicker than the largest crap you've ever produced in your life.
2. DON'T use anything with sharp or jagged edges.
3. DON'T use anything that has the potential to break or shatter into little bits that are sharp or have jagged edges.
4. DO use something that has a base that is quite larger than the diameter of whatever it is you're shoving up your ass.
5. DO use LOTS of lube.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love this...too bad you dont have pics of these things. I too have had my share of foreign objects inserted in me...thankfully none of them got stuck. LOL